A Year Without an Office
Today I was jealous of my husband. He went to work, like actually left the house and headed to his office! Though it is only to print study materials, it still seems like a big deal. About a year ago I couldn’t get out of the office fast enough. Every morning felt like a bag of bricks were holding me in bed. It wasn’t until we were sent home how much I physically was impacted by the day to day weight of my job. Do I miss my job?!?! Not one bit. Do I miss interacting with people and having intelligent (yet sometimes random) conversations – YES!
Pre pandemic, I was working extremely hard on overcoming social anxiety. For a solid year and a half I had been immersing myself in therapy and tasks to slowly gain confidence. Each week my therapist and I created a goal. It started out as simply saying “hi” to someone new at the office 3 out of the 5 work days in the upcoming week. You may think that would be an easy task, oh no, it was the HARDEST thing to do at the time. I remember coming home from work saying “I said “hi” to so and so today!”. Of course as the weeks went on the tasks became more in depth; having real conversations, going out to lunch with coworker, or doing something outside of work. Each task I would overcome and feel so good about myself. Then there would be setbacks. One time I volunteered (willingly and actually kind of excited about it) to be in a work golf tournament (I don’t golf!). My therapist was SO proud of me when I told her, heck I was so proud of myself! Before the event even starts, I’m sitting at a table of people I don’t usually interact with and someone says, “Kaitlin, you sure are quiet. You don’t talk much at all.” My mind blanks, this person just called out my greatest insecurity in front of a good number of people. I’ve been told you either laugh or cry in an uncomfortable situation. Thank Goodness I gave a little chuckle and didn’t burst into tears. The rest of the day was me going through the motions, trying to brush it off, trying to play it cool. It took so much energy to make it though that day, but I made it.
Which brings me back to being jealous about not being able to go to an office. It’s such a weird feeling. Like everyone during the pandemic there have been highs and lows. However, being furloughed to officially let go was one of my biggest silver linings of 2020. This is going to be easier to spell it out in list form.
- Being able to combat a major source of physical anxiety symptoms.
- Started Quarter Life Leap 9 months early = more time to prepare.
- Learning how to start a business from scratch.
- Realizing that your purpose in life can be from many different avenues. It’s not just your career or the path you follow.
- Finding a creative outlet and just relaxing for the first time in a long time.
- Realizing a 8-5 job isn’t everything, there are other ways to put in a days work.
- Having time “after work” that isn’t just decompressing from the day and is actually enjoyable.
- Seeing words be turned against you, corporate offices don’t care about you at the end of the day. They care about their bottom line. Also, they still haven’t given back the 10% pay cut they made.
- Perspective, on many things, but mainly what really is important and fulfilling.
- Seeing who true friends/colleagues are, they’ll be there to lift you up, support you, and just check in.
At a therapy session last summer I said, “I’m afraid all my hard work will go away. I’m terrified for when it’s (the pandemic) over, and going back into social situations.” This statement could not be more true. I won’t be going back to an office, but just meeting our new neighbors seems daunting. I’m terrified of the inevitable “normal life” that will come back. Therapy has changed my life in many ways, but the one I could actually see the results from is in social situations. I know that when we do get to have more social interactions I’ll be ready with my tool bag full of helpful tricks to use. I am more prepared to get back into social situations, though out of practice. I know these tools will work, even if it might be slow to start.
So if the only thing you take away from this is one thing, let it be this. Be kind to the “quiet” ones, be kind to the ones who are introverted and have gotten used to their secluded life, just be kind! You have no idea who is putting on a face just to make it through.
